Darkness

Some times my mind goes to very dark places. It always goes away it's just a waiting game, for the past month my mind has been in a bad place. I've been sad unmotivated and well depressed, below is a poem I wrote about where my mind goes maybe by reading it you can all better understand me.

can't breathe can't breathe chest tight heart pounding

god this is stupid such a waste of time I'm tired of being tired
sick of being sad why can't I just be happy...screw happy why can't i just be normal.
just one cut just once slice across the skin would make it all feel better
at least for a moment....before the guilt sets in.
dragging my nail across my wrist imagining something else
one quick slice and it's all over...can;t do that though you'll go to hell
everything would be better if you just believed in nothing

if you believe in nothing there are no consequences no rules no guilt....just nothing

nothing sounds peaceful so I hide anything sharp throw it away
i wait for it all to pass and ignore the temptation i know I don't want to end it all but one little slip and oops it;s done
so i remove the temptation.

but I can't remove the thoughts the swirling thoughts a whirlpool of dark pulling me down
I try to swim against the current but it's useless one bad thought leads to another like wreckage in the whirlpool interrupting your strokes
everything is dark here every thing is bad here...walking down the stairs is terrifying as images of falling down run thru my head over and over each image a more violent fall than the last so i take each step very very slow
it's all I can do as I drag my thumb nail across my wrist over and over again picturing something else.
I k now it will pass it always passes i just have to wait. they always pass in time

I hate time.....why wont it pass.