When real and second life Collide.

Valentines Day

2009-02-14T23:16:00.000-08:00

So as it comes to a close here is a recap of my Valentines Day. Usually I dread this holiday, hate this holiday even I mean really how many ways can you be made to feel bad about yourself for being single. This year Wasn't so bad though

Awkward bizarre but not bad. It started off with me sleeping till 4pm....I'm still sick getting better day by day though and I'm much better than I was.

in real life today I didn't do much I walked to the store I bought myself chocolate and tortillas chips to eat my homemade guacamole. I watched t.v (the princess bride Le sigh) and I played second life.

In second life I did a photo shoot see photo above the chair was a v day gift from tuli and i love it so had to do a photo with it. and I also had a rather awkward conversation with a friend.
This is a real friend and I guess we've been going back and forth Discussing the possibility of having a casual friends with benefits type relationship and I decided that you know what I'm just not that girl. I can't be with someone I don't have feelings for it's just not me. it was an awkward awkward conversation but needed to be had and I feel better for having had it.

So in a nutshell that was my valentines day bizarre awkward weird but all in all not horrible.

it's a damn cold night

2009-01-12T01:47:00.000-08:00

I wrote a new poem hope you all like it,

Nothing but the Rain

I want to be in love true love deep ever lasting
the things fairy tales are made of songs are sung about books are written about
I want to be in love
deep profound till death do of part and beyond kind of love
with...a Lil twist.
I want to be your princess pampered and coddled like a porcelain doll my spirit as fragile as my frail façade put upon a pedestal no girl can really live up too
I want to be your kitten

all fluff and fur curled up in your lap purring in your ears imploring you for pets and scritches in that special place only you know my nails piercing your skin as i kneed at you contentedly

I want to be your confidant
the person you come to at the end of a long day i want to hear all about your bad days your good days your mediocre days.

I want to hear the story of your life from exposition to conclusion and even the epilogue no detail to minute too boring after all they are all a part of you.

I want to be your partner your equal your right hand man the person you turn to to help you thru life's trials and tribulations,

the person you come to when you need to make a decision the little voice in your head that helps guide you to whats best for us both the person to go forth with you hand in hand shoulders back head held high to face the world together

I want to be your caretaker when you are sick, when you are sad hurt broken distraught i want to be the person to help pick up the pieces make you chicken soup know the right type of tissues to buy

I want to be the person to coddle you and hold you and run to the store and get you the non yucky medicine despite the fact you are acting like a baby...it's only a cold

I want to be your sex goddess, your slave, your whore on my knees begging tugging at your pants hair wild falling down my shoulders and back your good girl eagerly waiting for every command ready and waiting to fulfill all your wants and needs

your bad girl misbehaving defying you eagerly waiting for whatever punishment you choose to dole out

your lover held desperately in your arms eyes linked held in a passionate embrace neither gentle nor rough a rare time when every movement every touch is the physical expression of every word every thought every feeling we have for each other but lack the words to fully explain.

I want to be your love to be the person you look at and realize is everything you have ever wanted in a woman and more to be the person you can't imagine life without or even what life was before we met the person who randomly invades your thoughts and dreams my scent the look in my eyes the softness of my lips drifting in and out of your consciousness as you sit at work, in the car, on the train...
i want to be all of this and more and refuse to settle for being anything less.

I love Peaches!

2009-01-03T14:54:00.000-08:00

In fact I love peach anything!

So today I walked down to the front office and took care of my rent then walked up to my apartment and ran up and down the stairs a while heaping bunch of times. it's 80 degrees today oi! doesn't the weather know it's winter! So after words I came in and had two slices of whole wheat toast with a little country crock light and some of my aunt's yummy yummy yummy homemade peach Jam mmm mmm good I love peach jam and my aunt makes awesome homemade jam.

stinkyness

2009-01-02T14:30:00.001-08:00

I am all stinky and sweaty and gross ew!

I just half jogged half walked down to the store (it's not safe ground to jog the whole way i nearly trip stepping in hidden holes just walking) then i speed walked back carrying m y stuff. Then I ran up and down my stairs and whole bunch of times before coming inside and collapsing on my couch...oi I need a shower.

It;s over 70 degrees outside gorgeous day but i wish it were cooler to work out, I'm going to go back out when it gets dark and cooler out and go up and down my stairs a bunch more times.

I've no idea how much I weight cuz well I don't own a scale but I'll let ya'll now if my clothes stop fitting! :P

Omg I've been ignoring my blog

2008-11-21T18:21:00.001-08:00

And people have called me on it. Ya well I've been busy...and lazy :P.

A Lot has happened since Last I posted I've made a lot of life choices and set the plans into motion to make them happen.

I've also ended a very long term relationship that on part took place on sl. It was just time sad as it is somethings aren't meant to be. but life moves on and so must I.

Tired.

2008-10-21T09:56:00.000-07:00

Random updates from a tired me.

So as those of you who know me know I've been looking for a job for quite some time and my financial matters have gotten pretty desperate.

In fact I did the math and I've been surviving on less than 1000 calories a day...I gained wright go figure.

Any who I had an interview yesterday at the registrars office and it seemed to go very well. they seemed to like me and the fact that I was an older student and lived in town year round.
I was told they would call me wed as they still had a few interviews to do so I left hopeful but worried I desperately needed this job.

So I get home and I'm napping I didn't sleep at all the night before and my phone starts ribbiting...yes I'm weird. I pick up and it's one of the woman I interviewed with and she offered me the job! yaya bye bye starvation I shall not miss you.

I start to day after my next class and I'm nervous, I'm always nervous when I start a new job. Doesn't help I'm sleepy as heck even though I went to bed early last night.
it's going to be a long day for me after work I have my psychology class and that doesn't get out until 9pm oi.

I better go I have an orange to eat and the web to surf before my class starts!

How can they see with glitter in their eyes........

2008-10-11T00:33:00.000-07:00

So I'm flipping thru various news websites seeing whats new with the world and I find this article.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/10/10/mccain.crowd/index.html

And I just get angry.........really Mccain you feel you should respect Obama......so why don't you lead by example and stop calling him a terrorist in your campaign adds or having your vp candidate doing it in her speeches.we all know Palin never says anything you haven't coached her on *and even then she forgets most of it* So lets stop pretending you have any respect or care for Obama or his family.

You have people screaming out traitor terrorist and and kill him at your campaign rallies and you wonder where it comes from? please.

We've got Fox news calling Obama's wife his "baby momma" and saying there needs to be a lynching party and nothing but negative campaign ads to distract from whats really going on in the world..

the economy is going to shit *tosses glitter * Obama is friends with a terrorist! (aka he worked on a non profit to better education for Chicago youth with a man who was linked with an extremist group in the 70's when Obama was 8 and has since renounced those ways and has become a respected college professor)

I'm a lil angry..........

Does anything last.........

2008-10-06T23:21:00.000-07:00

I'm working on some homework studying for a test and of course my mind wanders I hate studying.

Suddenly I start to wonder does anything really last? Think about it in elementary school you thought your best friends were going to be with you forever. Then, in high school the same thing after all you're more grown of course these people will be your friends forever at your wedding hell in your wedding!

Then college comes for some marriage and babies for other everyone moves away people grow apart people change suddenly you're rarely if ever talking out these people anymore.

Now you're in college a whole new crop of friends, loved ones, people you rely on to be therefor you and vice versa. So I start wondering is it all just same old same old...once we graduate and start our lives move away get married have families does it all end. Do we only get the occasional bulk guess who had another baby email?

Does any of it ever last the people we meet after college are those the people who will be with us forever or is it just one endless cycle of found and lost friendships and relationships.

And do I really want some of these relationships not continue I can't help but notice that none of my college friends know the real me all of me. One or two might know part of the real me glimpses of who I really am...but all of me not even close.

And I get the feeling most don't even care. So when do we get to meet the people who just let us be ourselves not who they expect us to be?

Just because I can

2008-10-01T08:54:00.000-07:00

So I'm sitting in class minding my own business texting mr housey house when he feels the need to tell me and brag and taunt me with the fact that he was blogging!!!

Well now we can't have him thinking that he can get away with taunting me now can we?!

See What Mr Ragu Esquire forgets is that unlike him I *points to self all lil kid proud* have a laptop.

Oh yes I can blog from anywhere wireless internet is free so basically all of campus!!

The picture i s of me Bubbles and Nic at the greenies sim in their backyard chillen on a carrot. MMm carrots beta carotene ftw!

Do you ever wish you could just be 7 years old again?

2008-09-30T02:00:00.000-07:00

Remember when you were 7 and the only care in the world you had was a little bit of homework and avoiding getting cooties?
I often wish I could go back to being that age when instead of worrying about bills groceries rent electric finding a job losing a job.....all I had to worry about was winning in freeze tag and chasing a boy name John around the playground.
That's another thing that was a lot easier at 7. If you liked a boy you chased them around the playground and hit them and ahhh love everyone knows you like them.
No games but the ones handed out from older kids or made up yourself.
I worry a lot these days, life is stressful school is stressful everything is stressful.
But at least with S.L I can be a kid again if only for a few moments in some p.g sims.

I of course was a perfectly innocent child!

Darkness

2008-09-29T04:03:00.001-07:00

Some times my mind goes to very dark places. It always goes away it's just a waiting game, for the past month my mind has been in a bad place. I've been sad unmotivated and well depressed, below is a poem I wrote about where my mind goes maybe by reading it you can all better understand me.

can't breathe can't breathe chest tight heart pounding

god this is stupid such a waste of time I'm tired of being tired
sick of being sad why can't I just be happy...screw happy why can't i just be normal.
just one cut just once slice across the skin would make it all feel better
at least for a moment....before the guilt sets in.
dragging my nail across my wrist imagining something else
one quick slice and it's all over...can;t do that though you'll go to hell
everything would be better if you just believed in nothing

if you believe in nothing there are no consequences no rules no guilt....just nothing

nothing sounds peaceful so I hide anything sharp throw it away
i wait for it all to pass and ignore the temptation i know I don't want to end it all but one little slip and oops it;s done
so i remove the temptation.

but I can't remove the thoughts the swirling thoughts a whirlpool of dark pulling me down
I try to swim against the current but it's useless one bad thought leads to another like wreckage in the whirlpool interrupting your strokes
everything is dark here every thing is bad here...walking down the stairs is terrifying as images of falling down run thru my head over and over each image a more violent fall than the last so i take each step very very slow
it's all I can do as I drag my thumb nail across my wrist over and over again picturing something else.
I k now it will pass it always passes i just have to wait. they always pass in time

I hate time.....why wont it pass.

Just can't separate myself from myself.

2008-09-29T03:08:00.000-07:00

I know most people prefer to keep their real lives and their second lives separate entities. For me however, that just isn't an option I am who I am be it in real life second life or the special places in my mind that would frighten you.

I've created this blog to rant rave post yadda yadda about that which most of my friends and family just wouldn't understand...namely me, Faith..Fainora the two people are the same only one can change her hair a whole lot easier......

So in the future look forward to rants raves musings rambling posts poetry or just fabulous stuff and cool places I find in both my worlds.